The Hallmead Cat

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Ulfric, aka Mr Paws, goes public for the first time

Ulfric…I may call you that?

Or Mr Paws?

You mean?

Sorry. This week, there was some concern when you were discovered sheltering underneath a trampoline belonging to an unsuspecting local resident.

Yes. Although — and I hope you’ll forgive me for mentioning this — you ARE a Norwegian Forest Cat.

A member of a proud and ancient race of cats, clearly used to harsh weather. And with a waterproof overcoat…

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Generic Cat image by Pieter Lanser from The Netherlands: This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.

So a little rain should not really bother you. Some people have suggested that you may have gone a little soft…

Alright. Because I do understand you have a reputation to uphold. Since your arrival in Hallmead some six years ago you have ruled your territory with an iron claw.

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Mr Paws shows off minor nose damage after late night scrap…

No boy cats…

And a perfect gentleman with the ladies?

Though there was that unfortunate incident with the neighbour’s cat? The one that ended up prescribed anti-anxiety pills…

And your attitude to dogs…

Apparently you attacked a man with two small dogs…

Shitsus?

And the lady with the Newfoundland?

Yes. You actually ran at the poor animal…

There is also the small matter of your feud with the local squirrel…

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Mr Paws tries unsuccessfully (again) to catch the “nut floof” (squirrel)

Every year…

For six years...

You have tried to catch him.

Don’t you think maybe it is time to give up?

Alright. Turning to your, um, burglary habit…

Written? Where?

Sid? I’m afraid I am not familiar…

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Mr Paws implements the philosophy of Sid: “all your dinnerz belong me!”

Ye-es. Only in your first year in Hallmead you were reported to have been caught snacking in at least 20 different houses…

…and taking an afternoon nap in at least half a dozen.

I see. Well, thank you, Mr Paws. Perhaps we could finish there for now. Though I hope, if our readers have any more questions for you, you will be up to speaking to them.

Yes.

Not right now.

No! You really should try to break that habit.

Thank you, Mr Paws….

Written by

Feminist, writer, campaigner on political and sexual liberty who also knows a bit about IT, the law and policing. Not entirely serious…

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